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Give your children nightmares for the rest of
their natural lives with the YPL lil' Peepz play system!
Start with our YPL lil' Peepz preschool line for children
18 months to 4 years old. Our small, colorful figures are scientifically
designed to be the perfect shape and size to block a toddler's
windpipe completely. YPL lil' Peepz figures and sets
encourage both your childīs physical aggression and their emotional
regression, through hours of "psychiatric" style role
playing games. YPL lil' Peepz is the only commercially
available toy that allows your child to fully explore the depth
of their crippling, painful feelings concerning the violent
crises and pitiful tragedies they already have to witness on
television most every day.
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When your children are ready for advanced
play (or if the choking thing just didn't work out,) switch
over to the regular YPL lil' Peepz lines. More than
250 highly specific, themed playsets all but guarantee that
your little ones will never have any opportunity to use
their imagination at all. From Videotape Pirates and the
Ku Klux Klan to a Leveraged Buyout and our entire Family
Court Line, your child will spend hours, maybe even years
developing and exploring his or her darkest fantasies and
desires. Best of all, after a couple of stiff drinks you'll
barely notice that the fruit of your loins is plotting apocalyptic
world destruction, and maybe even learning a little something
about just how many different sorts of policemen actually
exist. And, millions of satisfied YPL lil' Peepz
customers can't be wrong about the most realistic play therapy
system available outside of an institutional setting.
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entire families become obsessed with collecting all of the available
YPL lil' Peepz together, itīs only a matter of time before
the children (or in some cases the parents!) end up beating the
crap out of anyone who makes the mistake of trying to take away
one of their precious little toys. Every day, through protests,
letter writing campaigns, blackmail, and other methods, our customers
play an important role in the development of YPL lil' Peepz
products. Those of you who are familiar with YPL lil' Peepz
products know that our toys contain lots of small, sharp, unnecessary
parts. This maniacal attention to realistic detail truly sets
YPL lil' Peepz apart from its competitors in the toy world,
and it also makes our designers look like a bunch of anal retentive
nutjobs. |
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Commonly, as the years go by and kids become
bored with their YPL lil' Peepz toys, some small parts
may be ingested or may accidentally become embedded in a child's
mucous membrane. If this happens, our Consumer Service Department
can't really do much to help dislodge the brittle plastic bits.
But, after you get back from the Emergency Room you can contact
the YPL lil' Peepz subsidiary, distributor, or representative
in your country, or send us an e-mail to request replacement parts.
We can't guarantee we'll be able to accommodate you, but we
really do enjoy hearing your stories about the interesting orifices
from which our toys must be extracted and the grotesque procedures
involved.
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Fun Facts about YPL's Lil'
Peepz Factory
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Property
size: 1 million square feet
Foundation
laid in: 1962
Enclosed
square footage: 376,600 square feet
Number
of evil robots:
23
Injection
Molding Department: One of the largest in Lichtenstein with
more than 200 state-of-the-art injection molding machines, among
them machines using 2, 3 or even 4 different toxic petroleum
products. Production continues in three shifts 24 hours a day.
Every day, approximately 3 million individual parts are produced,
amounting to a total of about 60 million parts per month in
landfills worldwide.
Annual
raw material requirement: approximately 6,000 metric tons.
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